Hello to the Her Path to Purpose community! I’m Shazeda and I’ll be writing a few of the blogposts that will be coming out in the next few months for Her Path to Purpose. I joined this wonderful community during the latter part of 2022 and after the amazing help it offered me, I knew I had to continue being part of this growing community.
A little about me
I graduated from university in 2021 with a Bachelor’s Degree in English and I’m currently working full-time in my first graduate job. However, my true passion lies in academia, writing, and literature which I’m continuing to explore. But my passions don’t stop there: in the last year, I’ve been learning more about the importance of mental health, particularly mental health amongst ethnic minority communities. I’ve been learning about the importance of healing from trauma, empowerment through healing, repetitive behaviours, and the importance of facing these behaviours. My journey with mental health began when I came back to Birmingham after completing my studies in May 2021. The months following that were probably the most difficult times I’ve been through. After university, my mental health was at an all-time low because I wasn’t prepared for what followed: finding a new job, losing friends, and loneliness. But I found Her Path to Purpose whose services literally changed my life.
My Mental Health Journey
I officially completed my university studies in May 2021 during the midst of the coronavirus pandemic. I finished university with a first-class degree and I was extremely proud of what I had achieved.
But I was also proud of who I had become: I moved out for university, I became independent, I had my own space, I met new people and made lifelong friends who I’m still in touch with today. My love for academia and literature flourished and I had some amazing lecturers supporting me along the way. Which is why leaving that all behind was so hard. Whilst I was excited to go back home, I also dreaded the day I had to pack up my stuff and leave my university life behind. I did everything I could to prepare however, it wasn’t enough because when I came back to Birmingham, I was officially a graduate.
That meant I had to look for a job, I had to start earning, I no longer had my own space anymore, and I was hours apart from my university friends. I convinced myself I would be fine and that I could find a job easily. That I would be reunited with my old friends back in Birmingham as if nothing had changed. But I was wrong. First, I didn’t look for a job for three months because I was burnt-out. I didn’t realise how tired I was until I was home and I no longer had to worry about cooking and cleaning. Whilst I loved university, my final year was stressful but I was determined to complete it to the best of my ability but that was at the cost of my own health. I knew I couldn’t start a new job in this state.
Additionally, and I think this is one of the reasons why my mental health became extremely depleted in the latter part of 2022, I felt I had no one in Birmingham. Me and my old friends met once or twice and I thought everything would be back to the way it was before university. But as people do, we drifted apart. I felt alone. I found it difficult to make new friends and to keep in touch with my old friends. Eventually, when I successfully got my first graduate job, I used that as my outlet. I worked and worked and in the background, my mental health worsened.
Finding Her Path to Purpose
I worked really hard during my day job. I did everything was told to do, I took on and led projects, and I soon developed a routine. Yet, once it hit 5pm, I switched off and found I had no energy to do the things I liked. I would sit on my phone all evening scrolling mindlessly through social media not even taking anything in.
Sometimes, I would lie in bed and think horrible, unhealthy thoughts which would spiral. I became bitter and angry at everyone asking myself, why am I so alone? Why do people not want to be around me? But no one suspected a thing because to the world, I was a hard worker who had her life together. I knew what depression was and I’ve experienced it before this but never at this level. At this point, I thought there was no turning back.
One day when I was scrolling through Instagram, I found Her Path to Purpose and saw they were doing free group therapy sessions. I don’t know what prompted me to sign up. Maybe within me I knew I needed help. It was within these sessions I saw the extent of how bad my mental health had gotten. I saw the little value I gave myself and thought I deserved. I saw that I needed healing. Through Her Path to Purpose, I was able to access free therapy 1-2-1 sessions following group therapy (which is amazing for someone who had just started earning and from there, I began my healing process. I began coming to terms with the state of my life and mind; coming to terms with the friends that are not around and coming to terms with my past.
The value I put upon myself was something that I allowed other people to have a say in but after therapy, I saw the importance of one determining their own self-worth. The person I was before therapy and after therapy, I wouldn’t say they were different. I would say that I finally allowed myself to embrace what I’ve been avoiding. Even though I have days where my thoughts can be extremely negative, I have no energy, and I find myself going back to old habits, I have the tools to bring myself out of the space. I’ve come a long way from just hiding in my work and forcing myself to ‘just be happy’. I’ve started to heal and I’m still healing, it’s a journey.
The Importance of Community
I’m grateful for Her Path to Purpose for offering these services to the women and young girls of Birmingham. I was able to find help during a difficult time in my life when I felt like I couldn’t turn to anyone. Whilst I was able to find this, there are so many women and young girls who are going through similar situations but aren’t able to access this help for various reasons.
They continue to face these issues for years without being able to heal because they feel ashamed, scared, and alone. They need to continue to provide for themselves, be a good friend or sister, be a good student or manager or team leader.
Also, stigma continues to be attached to speaking about mental health within several minority cultures and communities leaving many women unable to seek help from their friends, families and professionally. Especially within a big city like Birmingham where money is not invested in mental health. That’s why we need communities and organisations like Her Path to Purpose where mental health is not a stigma. Where women can feel embraced and don’t need to feel ashamed to want to become better; to want to get out of unhealthy cycles and heal; and who want to understand why they react in certain ways or feel certain ways.
Her Path to Purpose offers accessible services to all women and young girls and a community where everyone is embraced.